After my last entry I wrongly assumed that I would have a warm reception from my lovely wife. After all, I stayed at home to provide for my family, while she went to visit friends and family in her native state. 4 days I wondered in the wilderness alone, surviving off Hungry Man Fried Chicken dinners and stale Doritos. As I braved the harsh Park City winter alone my one thought was for the happiness of my family, and I dreamed of our glorious reunion. I was in the home stretch on Monday, around 9:00pm when I got the long awaited call from my wife and children. Easton spoke first and told me how much fun they were having (I was lancing boils on my feet from another long days work). Nixon spoke of the beach and friends and the fabulous fun they were having (while I sat with a heat pad on my back, strained from yet another days work to support my family). Then it slipped, I told Nixon I couldn't wait to see him the next day, he then said "we're not coming home tomorrow, we're going to..." through the phone I heard the muffled sounds of panic. I made out the sound of Jennifer's voice as she said "I haven't told him yet." Thus began my downward spiral of despair. Jennifer proceeded to tell me they were staying another day to go to Disneyland, the happiest place on Earth! (remember this slogan as it has great importance later) Wanting nothing more than the happiness of my family I swallowed my disappointment and despair and told them to have a great time.
This is a photo of Jennifer, Nixon and Easton at Disneyland March 20, 2007 the day the were supposed to come home to me. I, after getting off the phone, proceeded to go moderately insane. Left nearly alone (Sara was home, but she likes to sit in her room and stare at the wall, she is not a conversationalist, unless you are a 17 year old boy) out of Hungry Man dinners and never knowing when they would return, I lost it.
This is a picture of me trying to talk to Sara, she is a good listener, but doesn't talk much. Needless to say, it was a tough day. After I worked another 18 hour day, I returned home, Sara was asleep, I was all alone, I cried myself to sleep. I spent Wednesday in anticipation of a great reunion. Jen and the boys returning from their 5 day sabbatical, Jennifer having been away for our anniversary, beach, Jonny Rockets, Disneyland, In-N-Out, surely they would be all smiles and hugs, wouldn't they? Alas no. Jennifer came home after making a 9 hour drive in only 18 hours and had the temperament of a wounded, cornered lioness. This picture was taken as she pounced through the door on her arrival. No relief to be home, no hugs
and kisses, just claws and fangs and fury. I was admittedly a little surprised by here mood, and although it was 3:00am I endured her onslaught for 30 minutes before finally throwing in the towel. I never realized how stressful a day at Disneyland could be! I was thinking of a slightly warmer reception, after all I had put on my Shakespeare cap and broadcast my feelings to her throughout the world. It all went unnoticed. I have been since then been wishing to be a leper, at least then she would show some pity towards me instead of the bitter contempt I am currently receiving. Now as I read her blog to try and find a happier, friendlier Jennifer I find that I am being assaulted on the internet as well as at home (unfortunately not in the bedroom). She has no right to question anything that I purchase, better to spend $40 on something once, then spending money every month for her gym membership, when did you last go? Weeks? Months? Stoneware, Pampered Chef, Close to My Butt...or Heart, who knows what else. Jennifer is no bastion of shopping restraint, she has spent more money at Disneyland than Walt ever did and has nothing to show for it! Walt at least has the park, and her money, what does she have!
My point is this, never be nice, or try to show your wife how you feel. It will be cast aside and trampled by her thoughtlessness as she tries to make herself seem funny to her cadre of simple-minded acolytes. I am now more alone than ever before, alone in a room full of people I used to 
call my family. Someday I hope my wife does return from her vacation. The woman who returned to me is not her, this woman is mean and insensitive and has only looked for the negative. It really makes me wonder, was Oprah at Disneyland last Tuesday? Did she hypnotize Jennifer and send her back to spy on me? Have my sons been compromised? These are the thought roaming the expanse of my mind, the woman I love appears to be gone and I am left to fight alone. Be cautious, if Oprah can get to me, we are all doomed.
7 comments:
Ouch! Don't I feel like crawling under a rock?
For the record - I was so grateful to this sweet man for encouraging me to visit the greatest county in the world!
I feel I should point out, he wasn't abandoned - he was supposed to come with us and bailed to stay and make us some money, which we are indeed grateful for. I did fill the freezer with those Hungry Man dinners first (I have no idea where the stale Doritos came from).
And it was not all work for him - he had a boys party with 2 of his brother-in-laws that involved those stale Doritos, something chocolate that got spilled on the carpet, and rolls of pennies and nickels. I believe the night after their big par-tay, they went skiing!
And I did send little miss Sunshine herself (Sara) back - she could have cooked a meal for you!
I take full responsibility for my grouchy return. I had every intention of rushing in the door and making Geoffrey so glad I was home. Something about being up for 20 hours straight, most of them in a car with Nixon and Easton got the better of me. And I apologize (again).
Come home soon honey. You're even better than Disneyland (which is why I still here with you). I'd love to make it all up to you.
Wait just one minute. I did everything I was supposed to. And I offered to make you dinner one night. And I gave up dance for a day because I didn't have a way to get to it. And I was the one home all alone for so long, while you worked (thank you dad for working I really appreciate it... I'm just defending myself). And I did talk to you, alot! We went out to dinner and breakfast, I thought we had a good time. Guess it goes to show people don't always appear to what they really feel. Whatever. I don't really care. I'm a social retard and really don't even feel sorry for myself. So there you have it. I thought that we bonded dad... glad to see it was all a lie!
Sara- I apologize, our time together is very special, please don't let your mothers deficiencies affect you. If you were not at home with me this last post would most likely have been an obituary rather than a cry for help, thank you for being the sane woman in the house!
"Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who..." (name the movie)
Full responsibility is a good start, but we all know what the road to HELL is paved with, don't we..?
It's nice to see the family blog therapy is working.
Points to the Internet!
Geoff,
Let me be the first to say I understand where you are coming from. I wish I could have been part of the man party, but alas, my wife was also out of town. She took a 10 day vacation to Florida with some of her work friends. While I stayed behind with my 3 kids trying to be a good dad, and keep my job at the same time.
Like you, I envisioned a glorious reunion. Something along the lines of Lethal Weapon 3, or the Thomas Crown Affair (Both of which have Rene Russo, which I don't mind telling you kinda does it for me....) But instead the reunion consisted of Aiden's school play, and ice cream at a neighbors.
Since I was not getting thrown to the floor with passion unabated, I decided to watch the Jazz game while debating if my man crush on Memo has gone too far. When my wife finally returned home and got in bed, the first thing she asked me for was a back rub.....
Apparently, all the walking on the beach really made her back hurt. So being the best husband in the world that I am, I looked at the clock, and decided that with only a half hour before I left for hockey, my wife would get her back rub and I would try to skate the best I could with my swollen... pride??
So again Geoff, I feel your pain. Literally and figuratively. I would have thought after your awesome anniversary present that you would have to call in sick the next day from exhaustion, but it seems once again that men and women have different agendas. I hadn't thought about Oprah and Gail running into Jamie on the beach, and telling her that my needs weren't important on her return. I feel more like Steadman that ever.
Also, I wanted to touch on the issue of Sara missing dance. Doesn't she have her license? Why couldn't she just drive herself to dance??
Burke -
wah.you.poor.baby. What is the computer symbol for the world's smallest violin playing sympathy for you?
As for Sara's car - she can't drive until the repairs from the I-80 way to school are finished. She has, however, had time to mock you (just a little) on her blog. She admires your computer skills, really. I'm sure you'd love to say a few choice words about teenage girls, but alas, you are only a few years behind us in that department.
Yeah I figured the car wasn't fixed. My point was that it was her fault that she couldn't drive since she wanted to go to school via Evanston.
I looked at Sara's blog, but she didn't have any entries. Is there another blog besides the one when you click on her name?
Yeah I already have a teenage daughter, and I can't wait to be the reason for everything that is wrong with her life. I am really looking forward to that.
I wouldn't expect sympathy from you or any other woman. That is why I posted it on Geoff's blog. I would expect to be skined alive if I tried to post my comments on your blog.
Post a Comment